Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974)

4 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: They don't call them that for nothing.
Directed by: John Hough
Written by: Leigh Chapman, Antonio Santean
Actors include: Peter Fonda, Vic Morrow, Susan George
Genre: Action, Thriller, Crime
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
A rather low brow take on the 'ole Bonnie and Clyde idea, but it's an entertaining action packed flick that was pretty fun to watch. Larry (Peter Fonda) is a cool dude who happens to have hooked up with an obnoxious pain in the ass girl named Mary (Susan George desperately trying to sound cheap and American). Larry's partner in crime Deke although not mentioned in the title is the mechanic and sort of the brains behind their crime operation I'd say. Deke and Larry rob a grocery store with one heck of an elaborate scheme and of course Mary comes along for the ride though they do try to ditch her several times (who wouldn't). The Cops are another element, they are continually in car chases and well let's just say a ton of cruisers get completely destroyed! This even has a car vs. helicopter chase, who wouldn't love that? Pretty exciting film with tons of memorable scenes, this should appeal to most drive-in '70s fans.

Availability:  On DVD

How Awful About Allan (1970)

2 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Curtis Harrington
Written by: Henry Farrell
Actors include: Anthony Perkins, Julie Harris, Joan Hackett
Genre: Thriller, Drama, Horror
Length: 73 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Talk about being underwhelmed, I mean one would think the combination of Curtis Harrington, Aaron Spelling and Anthony Perkins would spell success but instead it spells as boring as hell. Perkins plays Allan, a fellow who feels partially responsible for an accidental fire that kills his Father and scars his Sister. Allan even goes temporarily blind from the incident because of stress I think is the explanation (that makes no sense). Allan is finally released from the asylum to his Sister's care, only she doesn't seem the most happy to have him there. She's just looking for an excuse to get rid of him he figures. Matters aren't made any better by a mysterious boarder who is staying at their place. Allan thinks this boarder is trying to kill him, and seems to appear rather insane. It's a made-for-tv movie and mercifully short but still it felt like nothing ever happened until the very end and by that point I didn't really care. Talk about underwhelming clap trap, it just seemed lazy and uninteresting, it's too bad because I think this could have made for a decent film if some major changes occured.

Availability:  On DVD

Sugar Cookies (1973)

3 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: Meet the beautiful people who live... and die in a freaky, try anything world.
Directed By:  Theodore Gershuny
Written by: Theodore Gershuny, Lloyd Kaufmann
Actors include: George Shannon, Mary Woronov, Lynn Lowry
Genre: Exploitation, Drama, Thriller, Horror
Length: 89 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is a weird one I'll give it that. In many ways it's a soft-core porn which really put me off I must say. The plot on the other hand is kinda neat, and I like lead actress Mary Woronov, she really makes quite an impression in anything she's cast in. The story is about a pornographer called Max who kills a young model (who was also his lover) and makes it look like a suicide. Soon his assistant Camilla has found a nearly identical looking girl who she grooms to be just like the murdered model. Along the way she has a romantic relationship with this new girl (which chews up way too much time in the movie) under the guise of preparing her for an upcoming film role. The film is at least interesting enough to keep watching and to want to know what's happening, it just could have used a little more "spice" along the way. Not my favorite but it could have been so much worse, at least the cast make this worthwhile though, and heck I'm always up for some exploitation.

Availability:  On DVD

Wild At Heart (1990)

3.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: David Lynch
Written by: Barry Gifford, David Lynch
Actors Include: Laura Dern, Nicolas Cage, Willem Dafoe
Genre: Drama, Romance, Thriller, Crime
Length:  124 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Hmm well this had some extreme bads and some extreme goods but it was the extreme violence that pleased me the most. I guess I'll start with my complaints which include: horrible metal interludes (what were they thinking?), it's trying too hard to be weird to the point of being obnoxious at times (like the chipmunk voiced people), too much sex (the movie was too long, they screw like bunnies, I get it, I don't need to see them screwing over and over again) and it some aspects don't make much sense. On the pro side, again the violence is cool, some of the characters although bizarre are quite entertaining and although the movie sometimes annoyed me, it was compelling in a way. The story is about Sailor (Nicolas Cage) and Lula (Laura Dern) a young crazy couple who are wildly in love but often on the wrong side of the law. Lula's Mother hates Sailor so much she hires a hit out on him, but instead of killing him Sailor manages to kill the hitman landing him in jail. A little while later when he gets out the movie continues with a strange road trip with Lula where they screw and screw and try to live the good life. Of course not everything is wonderful and well things kinda get messed up along the way. Still it was somewhat satisfying and I liked most of it, not the best Lynch movie by far but a reasonable one at least.

Availability:  On DVD

Looker (1981)

3.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: If Looks Could Kill...
Directed by: Michael Crichton
Written by: Michael Crichton
Actors include: Susan Day, Albert Finney, James Coburn
Genre: Drama, Sci-Fi, Thriller
Length: 93 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This definitely has some inventive ideas that actually have come to exist, and it's pretty cool in many ways. Plastic surgeon Dr. Larry Roberts (Albert Finney) has had a few weird requests lately, beautiful women wanting several slight surgeries to adjust their appearances. When three of them are potentially suicide victims of course they start investigating Larry. Only thing is, he is oblivious, but he does notice that all of the dead girls belong to a research lab. He also finds out that model Cindy Fairmont (Susan Dey) is in serious danger being the only one left alive. It's got a slight romantic plot there but mostly it's a rather exciting investigation into this research company to find out what really is going on. The big problem is that weren't given an actual reason for killing these girls, sure we find out "what's going on" but it doesn't explain the big questions. From my research I've learned there is a scene in the movie that was cut out that explained some things but why the heck would anyone cut that out of the DVD release? Anyhow I do think it's a pretty neat tale from Crichton and if you've wanted to see Dey naked you'll have another reason to watch.

Availability:  On DVD

Magnum Force (1973)

3.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: Clint Eastwood is Dirty Harry in Magnum Force
Directed by: Ted Post
Written by: Harry Julian Fink, Rita M. Fink, John Milius
Actors include: Clint Eastwood, Hal Holbrook, Mitch Ryan
Genre: Action, Crime, Thriller
Length: 124 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I really enjoyed Dirty Harry, and I'd heard that most of the sequels were a lot of fun too, so it was easy to want to watch this one. Of course it's the second release in the series but unfortunately it feels like it's missing something. This does have many violent shoot outs and Harry moving from one situation to the next using his unique brand of justice. The main plot is about a bunch of bad guys who are being brutally killed...by cops! Will Harry sympathize or will he uphold justice if he can even tell what that is any more. It was honestly not bad but it just seemed like a string of events loosely bound together by the fact that Harry was there. It had it's exciting moments but for the most part it failed to impress and it was way too long. I do hope that the other sequels have a little more oomph and personality.

Availability:  On Blu-Ray & DVD

Concerto per pistola solista (1970) aka Weekend Murders

3.5 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Michele Lupo
Written by: Sergio Donati, Massimo Felisatti
Actors include: Anna Moffo, Ida Galli, Gastone Moschin
Genre: Giallo, Horror, Comedy, Thriller
Length: 98 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was kind of a neat little black comedy/giallo offering, rather a strange hybrid but a serviceable one. The characters here are beyond colorful and weird, the story is revolving around a will and of course there is a murderer at large that seems to be bumping off the folks in the family. Georgie is a son who doesn't seem to be all there, he likes to play dead and act death scenes out to freak out his overbearing Mother. There is a local Police man who looks like an idiot but probably isn't as dumb as he looks, also a detective is part of the tribe who seems to actually be the idiot. There are many others too and of course one naturally will try to figure out the plot but I think it's more fun on this one to just ride it out and enjoy it and wait for the cards to be dealt to us. It's not as creative and bloody and far out as some of the other giallo films but it does succeed in being amusing and a little bit different. It's also strange that this is an Italian feature but it was shot in Britain and it feels very British. Not the greatest but recommended for fans of the genre who wouldn't mind a chuckle or two.

Availability:  On DVD

10 To Midnight (1983)

3 / 5 Aug '10
Tagline: Back in town... with a vengeance!
Directed by: J. Lee Thompson
Written by: J. Lee Thompson, William Roberts
Actors include: Charles Bronson, Lisa Eilbacher, Andrew Stevens
Genre: Thriller, Drama, Horror, Crime
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This was cheese supreme, and although I thought the idea of combining a Charles Bronson flick with a serial killer concept was a good one. Everyone seems like they were phoning it in, even Bronson didn't seem like he could care less that he was in the movie. The serial killer at large is kind of amusing because he's a nudie, and watching him run around and kill people who are making out while naked is unusual. Bronson is the cop that is determined to catch the guy, even if it means toying with evidence that could get him deeper into trouble. It's just not exciting and although the killing part is okay the rest of the Police procedural stuff was pretty dull, and there wasn't enough violence to make this a good slasher either. The element of Bronson having a daughter was a bit interesting as of course the killer will want to target her etc. At least the last little bit is somewhat exciting but it definitely needed more punch.

Availability:  On DVD

The Initiation Of Sarah (1978)

2.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Robert Day
Written by: Kenette Gfeller, Tom Holland
Actors include: Kay Lenz, Shelley Winters, Tisa Farrow
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 96 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well this was really a combination of Carrie and Revenge of the Nerds only I really loved both of those films and I thought this one was dull and mundane. It was a made-for-tv (expect no violence and no killing...it's a horror movie, what were they thinking?) about a girl named Sarah with unexplained powers (that are usually used for dunking people in water who piss her off), she belongs to an adoptive family that have a daughter her age called Patty. The sisters go off to college, Patty is beautiful and has a great personality to match, so she gets in the "cool" fraternity. Sarah is an introvert and a brain and frankly a bit strange so she gets into the lamer fraternity that doesn't seem to care about much of anything. Sarah's "den mother" (Shelley Winters) is into witchcraft and wants Sarah for some sort of old initiation (which had someone die in it last time it was performed). See not much is explained, and the payoff is very weak to say the least. Despite the fact that it's tolerable schlock and well acted it's still not really worth bothering with, I kept waiting for something exciting to happen but it never really reached that point. It certainly could have been worse but considering the premise it should have been so much better.

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Psychopath (1975)

3.5 / 5  Sept '10
Tagline: He's Judge... Jury... Executioner
Directed by: Larry G. Brown
Written by: Larry G. Brown, Walter Dallenbach
Actors include: Tom Basham, Gene Carlson, Gretchen Kanne
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 84 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This is the kind of film that rarely turns up, it's truly absurd and seems to fail on every level it's trying to achieve but it has tons of camp value. It's a PG film, but surprisingly violent considering though you don't see anything, it's just implied. The plot is about a children's host and puppeteer called Mr. Rabbey who looks like a pedophile but is actually some sort of defender of children. Mr. Rabbey is actually rather slow and creepy and a treat to watch, they don't make psychos like this very often. He really hates child abuse, he hangs out in the playground and hospital to observe abused children and watch parents be cruel to their kids. I hate to say the abuse is funny but in this case it kind of is, it's over the top and it's stereotypical to say the least. Anyhow Rabbey comes to their houses later and kills the Parents who are offenders...one of them he kills by snapping a towel and then running them over with a lawnmower (I'm not kidding...though you don't see the lawnmower bit). Something to see for fans of weirdo '70s films for sure, cheaper than cheap and obviously influenced by Herschell Gordon Lewis what with the ridiculous close-ups of people's eyes, drummer for a soundtrack and general cheapness. It's not the greatest film ever and some gore would have helped it out but it still makes it's point...I think.

Availability:  Not on DVD

The Terminal Man (1974)

3.5 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: Harry Benson is a brilliant computer scientist. For three minutes a day, he is violently homicidal.
Directed by: Mike Hodges
Written by: Michael Crichton, Mike Hodges
Actors include: George Segal, Joan Hackett, Richard Dysart
Genre: Sci-Fi, Thriller
Length: 107 minutes
Banned: Finland

Review:
This was a rather strange adaptation of a Michael Crichton novel (that I've honestly not read) but I likely would after seeing this film. It's sort of trippy sci-fi with some definite lessons crammed into it. Harry Benson is an intelligent man, but from a result of a head trauma he suffers from paranoid delusions and seizures where he becomes extremely violent and attacks people. Doctors have figured out a way to correct this problem by toying with his brain, inserting some chips to shock the patient when the seizures come about. After the surgery Harry is getting frustrated with all of this nonsense and flees the hospital only for things to go from bad to worse. It's a very slow moving and deliberate piece, they could have whittled it down a bit and made a much more interesting movie but as it sits it's still quite worthwhile. The useage of colors (or rather white) and angles in the cinematography were fascinating, probably one of my favorite parts of the film. It also did make a few points and teach me a couple of things and it was very interesting to look at. It's sort of a psychological horror film in several ways, rather dark and depressing, best to watch on a gray or raining evening.

Availability:  On DVD

The Exterminator (1980)

4 / 5 Sept '09
Tagline: A one man army. A new kind of soldier in a new kind of war.
Directed by: James Glickenhaus
Written by: James Glickenhaus
Actors include: Samantha Eggar, Christopher George, Robert Ginty
Genre: Action, Horror
Length: 101 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This really does start out in an exciting and bloody manner and it manages to keep that pace throughout. The story is about a man who ends up going by the name of "The Exterminator" who was in a torture war situation before escaping. Then in the real world life is pretty ordinary until thugs at his workplace kill his best friend and he vows a violent revenge. From that point on we get some amusing deaths, strange situations and so forth, it's pretty decently paced. The biggest complaint is that the story is strung together inexplicably...I mean one minute we are talking to some fella, next he's hung on a pole or something, it just wasn't well assembled. Still he does use a flame thrower, many guns and this is a violent bloody treat in many ways. It's sort of like an ultraviolent superhero movie made with a lowish budget, some will love others will cringe.

Availability:  on DVD

American Nightmare (1983)

3 / 5 Sept '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Don McBrearty
Written by: Steven Blake
Actors include: Lawrence Day, Laura Staley, Neil Dainard
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Thriller
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
So oddly this is a Canadian giallo (though why they called it American Nightmare is beyond me) that has a low budget and some lame acting but it's still very watchable. The plot concerns a maniac who is going around slashing strippers with a razor, one of which is from a prominent family. Her brother comes looking for her and poking around the seedy underbelly of Toronto questioning girls who worked and lived with her. There is even a love story thrown in when the brother falls for one of the stripping roommates...seriously. It does have a fair amount of blood in it, and the mystery comes to an amusing resolution (it's a bit more sordid than one might think). It's just very dry and talky in places, and there are way too many strippers doing way too many dances for my liking, now if you are into that sort of thing you might consider it to be a bonus! As far as this style of film goes, it's definitely not one of the greats but it is worth a viewing for fans I'd say.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Absolution (1978) aka Death By Confession

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Anthony Page
Written by: Anthony Shaffer
Actors include: Richard Burton, Dominic Guard, David Bradley
Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Drama
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although this starts out like a rather stuffy drama at an English Catholic School, it works into one heck of a wicked mystery if you are patient. Richard Burton plays Father Goddard, a stodgy leader whom the boys seem to quite dislike. They devise a plan to trick the Priest using the rules of confession, see Priests cannot tell anyone what they hear during confession. A boy tells the Priest that he killed a hobo and where for him to find the body. It turns out that it's a scarecrow, but later in confession he claims he's actually killed the hobo this time for real and to look in the same place. This time of course there is a body. It's really rather intense and I love how our perceptions change as this goes on, or maybe that was just me. It is a bit dry but the story was more than enough to keep me hanging on, also Burton's portrayal is really impressive. Watch it if you like a good thriller but be prepared to be patient for the first while, it will pay off.

Availability:  Not on DVD

Harlequin (1980) aka Dark Forces

2.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: He'll take you to the brink of reality
Directed by: Simon Wincer
Written by: Everett De Roche
Actors include: Robert Powell, David Hemmings, Carmen Duncan
Genre: Fantasy, Drama, Political, Thriller
Length: 95 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well I didn't like this one as much as I thought I would, I blame it on the general fantasy thing though. See much of this required further explanation and well they just don't offer that. The plot is kind of about a boy who is dying of cancer, but is miraculously cured by a weirdo who shows up out of nowhere. The weirdo (healer...etc) sort of appears in the child's life, from time to time and he tries to teach them lessons about power corrupting (I think). I will be honest, aside from the very basics I didn't much understand this, from a horror aspect it's completely unsatisfying as well as from a story aspect. I've read this is in some way a take on the Rasputin story though I'm not really sure, it might be true. If nothing more the film appears to be well made, and it has a budget and is creative. It's just definitely not the film for me, definitely more of a fantasy Politics film more than anything else unfortunately.

Availability:  On DVD

Hard Candy (2005)

2 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Strangers shouldn't talk to little girls.
Directed by: David Slade
Written by: Brian Nelson
Actors include: Ellen Page, Patrick Wilson, Sandra Oh
Genre: Thriller
Length: 104 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I can see why people are rather split on this, I thought from reading the synopsis that this looked interesting but the execution proved how wrong I was. I even liked Ellen Page in Juno but found her to be an obnoxious little snot nosed brainiac kid in this. She plays Haley, a character who seduces a fellow who she perceives as an online pedophile. I'm dead against pedophilia but this girl is pretty much equally to blame with the shenanigans she's pulling. She meets Jeff (the pedo) in person before going to his house and causing problems. At first she's playing along but before long she ties him up while searching through his house for evidence of wrong doing. When she finds some pictures she decides she should castrate him and the game rolls on. It's incredibly slow moving and talky and irritating I'm afraid, not nearly as disturbing or graphic as I'd been led to believe at all, it could nearly have been a PG were it not for "adult discussion". Definitely a disappointment, it seems like they could have done so much more with this one.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

The Bloodstained Butterfly (1971) aka Una Farfalla Con Le Ali Insanguinate

2 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Duccio Tessari
Written by: Gianfranco Clerici, Duccio Tessari
Actors include: Helmut Berger, Giancarlo Sbragia, Ida Galli
Genre: Horror, Giallo, Mystery, Thriller
Length: 105 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
I was surprised how little I liked this, it literally put my Husband and I to sleep three times (so maybe our judgement is effected by the fact that we watched it in 3 pieces over 2 days). Still it was the dullest giallo I've ever seen, all technical chatter about the solving of crimes and then a trial that was excruciating to sit through. The subs on this were extremely small so I felt like I'd read a novel by the end and usually I don't even notice subs. The film also seemed to skip out on the gratuity of other gialli and the colors and humor and violence...all not there. The actors were fine, it was nicely filmed and the scenery was lovely...that is the only good I can think of here. The story is about a girl who turns up murdered, then they go through the nonsense to find who they think is the killer. Then we watch the court trial. Then the story picks up slightly afterwards but it's too little too late by that point. I know this is a well regarded film amongst fans of giallo so you probably don't want to take my opinion on this one.

Availability:  On DVD

Mr. Vampire (1985) aka Geung si sin sang

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Ricky Lau
Written by: Ricky Lau, Cheuk-Hon Szeto
Actors include: Ching-Ying Lam, Ricky Lau, Siu-hou Chin
Genre: Action, Comedy, Horror
Length: 97 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I'm not sure this made a lick of sense were you to pull it apart it's not meant to be. It's purely entertaining absurd comedy with some kung fu action and a touch of horror thrown in. So I don't understand the why on most of this stuff but let's see if I can kind of give a plot synopsis. There is a Master, and two bumbling trainees, also an army of zombies who hop like bunnies (my favorite part) but are kept docile by putting spells on them. In fact spells (made from voodoo paper, and chicken's blood and sticky rice) seem to tame most things when they are in danger. There are also vampires, on of the assistants is bitten by a zombie and tries to stave off zombie effects by dancing around like a fool, and by filing his teeth and nails. The other assistant is possessed by some attractive ghost who throws her own head around. The lessons I learned from this film are that people in Hong Kong are very superstitious, you can't mix sticky rice with other rice, and that more zombies should bounce like bunnies, it's hilarious! It's well paced, action packed and full of laughs, definitely a winner for those of us looking for something rather strange but also very fun.  Also it's worth noting that there are several other entries into the Mr. Vampire series, but this is the first.

Availability:  On DVD

Dead End (2003)

3.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Read the signs.
Directed by: Jean-Baptiste Andrea, Fabrice Canepa
Written by: Jean-Baptiste Andrea, Fabrice Canepa
Actors include: Ray Wise, Lin Shay, Alexandra Holden
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 85 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Although I thought this was relatively enjoyable there were some extremely cheesy things that kept this from being great. The story is about a family driving out on Christmas Eve to go to a relative's house. The father decides to take a short cut which lands them in a world of trouble. They end up on a extremely long road, all signs of life have disappeared except for a ghost (badly acted by model Amber Smith) who appears every time they have to stop the car. It's kind of a hybrid of a Stephen King novel and Identity in a way, sort of the mystery of what the heck is going on (though it's obvious). It's definitely a situational horror thing and it's quite effective on that level, there is some gore and even a tiny bit of comedy (I love Mom's drawing) packed in there. It's not the most amazing film one is likely to come across, but the family is well acted and somewhat believable and the what if factor is what really makes it work.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Shutter Island (2010)

4 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Someone is missing.
Directed by: Martin Scorsese
Written by: Laeta Kalogridis, Dennis Lehane
Actors include: Mark Ruffalo, Ben Kingsley, Leonardo DiCaprio
Genre: Thriller
Length: 138 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Many people seem to have been recommending this to me at work lately, that or complaining about how confusing it. I figured I need to find out which side I'm on, I liked it. I thought it was rather easy to follow and rather well made (despite the fact that the digital clearness of the picture sort of detracted from it somehow...it should have been foggier or something). The story is hard to describe without giving things away, but it takes place with Leonardo and his partner going into an island asylum called Shutter Island. The inmates are divided up into separate wards, A+B for the regular nutters and then C is for the extreme cases. Leonardo (with a bad Bostonian accent) and pal are investigating a missing persons case, a woman named Rachel vanished from her cell. It takes a bunch of twists and turns along the way and yes it is somewhat predictable but they at least tried and threw a few surprises in I thought. It did to a good job of creating atmosphere, particularly in C ward, the mental patients are rather creepy too but that is to be expected of course. My only real complaint is that they could have made it a bit more satisfying, but I'm not necessarily disappointed either. Still a rather gripping mystery that I think most should enjoy providing you go in with an open mind.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Case 39 (2009)

1.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Some cases should never be opened.
Directed by: Christian Alvart
Written by: Ray Wright
Actors include: Renée Zellweger, Jodelle Ferland, Ian McShane
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 109 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Yikes, well there aren't too many nice things to start out with here, I made it to the end of the movie and it had a budget. There, I'm done. The story revolves around child abuse case worker Emily Jenkins (Renée Zellweger looking rather shoddy) who is overworked, and then her boss dumps Case 39 on her. It involves a little girl who won't eat and looks gaunt and terribly abused. Emily is concerned enough that she gives the little girl her cell phone number, so when she receives a desperate call for help from the girl she rushes to her aid and saves her. Then the little girl convinces her that she should stay at Emily's until she has a new family found for her. While I won't tell you what the rest is about I will tell you that immediately it's obvious what is going on so if they are trying to play "mystery" it's a huge failure. It also fails entirely to scare in any possible way, it fails on a psychological level, heck it fails all around in big ways. At least it was laughably stupid so I got a slight bit of entertainment out of how cliche it was, but I can't find much of anything to recommend here.

Availability:  On Blu-Ray & DVD

Massacre In Dinosaur Valley (1985) aka Stranded In Dinosaur Valley aka Nudo E Selvaggio

2.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Michele Massimo Tarantini
Written by: Michele Massimo Tarantini
Actors include: Michael Sopkiw, Suzane Carvalho, Milton Rodríguez
Genre: Action, Adventure, Horror
Length: 88 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Extremely lackluster and halfassed "cannibal" movie (though there is very little cannibalism. There is however a ton of nudity if that is your thing you might enjoy this? A fellow who acts much like McGuyver wants to go to Dinosaur Valley (which is dangerous what with the cannibals and man eating fish etc) so he manages to catch a plane ride with some models. When the plane crashes down off course they must struggle for survival despite clashing personalities and everything attacking them. They did try a little with blood near the beginning but it became clear that it was nothing more than a jungle porn really as it raged on. It's cheesy but not enough to really be funny, so it is probably one of the least entertaining of it's kind, yet I was still able to sit through it. At least the scenery is nice right? Oh well, another failure but for super big fans of this sort of thing it might be worth a gander.

Availability:  On DVD

Orphan (2009)

3.5 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: Can you keep a secret?
Directed by: Jaume Collet-Serra
Written by: David Johnson
Actors include: Vera Farmiga, Peter Sarsgaard, Isabelle Fuhrman
Genre: Thriller, Horror
Length: 123 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Well, having just seen the wretched film Case 39, I was expecting this to be basically the exact same idea. It was, however this one is far superior, it's not as predictable (though it's not exactly surprising) and they actually bothered to explain what was happening which I appreciated. At any rate, a couple who have a deaf little girl and a little boy are having a hard time after a stillborn comes there way. They decide to adopt, so they go to an Orphanage and find Esther, a particularly unusual and bright 9 year old girl sitting off by herself. They fall for her and take her home and adopt her, and at first everything seems perfect. From there it basically goes into a retread of The Bad Seed only there is something different about this tale. It's not the most horrific film ever, in fact yes it's more of a thriller but I have to give it credit, it's over 2 hours long but it held my attention. That being said, in no way did it need to be that long but just the same probably worth a viewing on a rainy day.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray