Eastern Promises (2007)

3.5 / 5 Jun '10
Tagline: Every sin leaves a mark.
Directed by: David Cronenberg
Written by: Steven Knight
Actors include: Josef Altin, Naomi Watts, Viggo Mortenssen
Genre: Drama, Thriller, Crime
Length: 100 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
This wasn't at all what I had expected as a David Cronenberg fan but then again I've only really watched his older sci-fi stuff. This is very Hollywood big budget and trying to pull at the 'ole heartstrings I think (that didn't really work on me). It's about a kindly Nurse named Anna (Naomi Watts) who delivers a baby from a mother who dies giving child birth. Anna finds the dead young girl's diary which is written in Russian which she doesn't speak. Fortunately for her she has Russian people in her family to translate. Before they can help her a kindly but pushy older Fellow clearly related to some sort of Mafia offers to trade her the diary for the dead girl's address of family so the child could be put in the right place. He grabs the diary and of course doesn't offer Anna any help, though at least one of his henchmen seem to be helpful. Nikolai (Viggo Mortensen) seems to be the kind one in the crime syndicate but will they be able to get the answers they need? I actually thought that this was really easy to follow and a very obvious film really. It didn't offer anything unexpected (except a bit of graphic violence) and it seemed to be more of a drama more than anything. It wasn't intense, it wasn't thrilling, it wasn't even shocking or very creative. I really don't get what the big frickin' deal was about this film although I don't exactly think it's bad either.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray

Trade (2007)

2 / 5 Oct '10
Tagline: You'll pay for this.
Directed by: Marco Kreuzpaintner
Written by: Jose Rivera, Peter Landesman
Actors include: Kevin Kline, Kathleen Gati, Alicja Bachleda
Genre: Thriller, Drama
Length: 120 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
While this actually started well, at first I thought it would be similar in spirit to Hostel seeing as how it was very violent, surprising and dark initially. Soon something changed and it became one of the most stupid contrived ridiculous films ever made. It's about the sex trade industry in Mexico, we meet two young girls who were flown in to Mexico in hopes of modelling work. They are kidnapped from the airport upon arrival pretty much, and also we follow a 13 year old Mexican girl called Adriana who is kidnapped off of her bike. The purpose of kidnapping the girls is to rape them, then sell them to areas in the US for more sex. Her 17 year old brother Jorge goes on a mission to retrieve his sister. Where it gets beyond moronic is brother Jorge goes on this unlikely friendship/getting to know you venture with a Man he randomly meets Ray Sheridan (Kevin Kline). It's overly long, and the downtrodden mood is quickly ruined by this silly buddy nature of it. Yet for all of my complaining I can't even seem to convey how much it sank into the depths of blah and it took so long to do so (the movie is sadly 2 hrs long). Somewhere in here is a good movie, if it had been completely rearranged and huge portions omitted but as is it was really a waste of time.

Availability:  On DVD

Spiral (2007)

2 / 5 Jan '11
Tagline: N/A
Directed by: Adam Green, Joel Moore
Written by: Jeremy Danial Boreing, Joel Moore
Actors include: Joel Moore, Amber Tamblyn, Zachary Levi
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Length: 90 minutes
Banned: Nope

Review:
Ouch, I really thought this would have been a whole lot better than it is due to it's reputation. This was an Anchor Bay original release, and it does appear as though they had a reasonable budget for this. The plot is about a telemarketer named Mason (Joel Moore) who is reclusive, obnoxious and weird (not in a cute way, just in a handicapped sort of way). He stinks at his job and he has only one friend until he meets Amber (Amber Tamblyn). Mason happens to be a good painter which attracts Amber (who is seriously so annoying...think Six from Blossom only way less likeable). Amber is attracted to Mason's art, and she becomes his muse. After a long time of their awkward and unbelievable romance (and nothing else happening) we are given a tiny thriller plot. See Amber finds a whole bunch of sketch books with girl's names and each one has the last sketch missing and he won't show her his last sketch for her either. I won't ruin it but it's so beyond moronic, I truly feel like my time was completely wasted. Not to mention the terrible songs (the ones with words anyhow, the rest of the time it's jazz) and lack of reason and background information on Mason that would have made this a better film. Oh it's easy to understand and follow but it's also rather obvious and pointless. If you want an art related horror film I'd recommend Color Me Blood Red instead.

Availability:  On DVD & Blu-Ray